I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, because I’ve been in a terribly grumpy, pouty, irritable mood all day. Call it hormones, if you will, but I can’t seem to step out of this funk. Actually, it first hit me when I got home from work last night and had nothing to do and no energy to do it with anyways. Ronny’s buddies are still in town so he took off for the night, which would normally be an opportunity for me to gluttonously indulge in one of my favorite things — Solitude.
Instead, it provided the perfect scenario for incubating an acute case of woe-is-me mentality, a state in which I miss living in San Diego, I miss being able to hang out with friends, I get jealous of Ronny having friends to hang out with, I miss being inspired as a writer, and most of all, I miss not having to work full time. I had second string leftovers for dinner, couldn’t have any wine (of course), nothing was on TV, not even the movie channels, and I had no motivation to do any of my fun little unfinished projects that I have lying around. My brother did email me with a cool little thing that uplifted me and cheered me up temporarily…I’ll post it here if he lets me. (But until then, you just have to wonder what it was, sorry.)
UPDATE: He said I could post it, so click this link to see my bro’s bf modeling for Tom’s Shoes…and notice the beautiful, homemade scarf I crocheted for my brother a few years ago.
Cool, huh? How is it that little brothers can really know how to cheer a girl up?
I did manage to do something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I went to a meeting of the local art league, an activity I decided to force myself to do in the hope that I could a) hopefully find some art classes and b) meet some new friends. Well, I did get a nice lesson in color theory, but I fell short of my two goals, by no fault of my own. A) all of the classes take place during normal weekday hours, probably because no one in the group has to work full time, which leads to b) I was the youngest of nearly everyone in the group by a few decades. There may have been a couple of people in their early 50s, but for the most part, grey hair was the norm. (Maybe I should end my relationship with Nice-n-Easy so that I could fit in?) That seems to be the problem with living in this town. There’s nothing for a 30-something person to do except go to a couple of bars.
Ronny did invite me to go out with him and the boys, a kind gesture which I’m sure he offered only because he felt confident that I would refuse. I mean, I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again: going to the bars when you can’t have a beer isn’t very fun, especially when it’s not even your own friends you’re hanging with. He did give me a great little pep talk, though. As he preened and got ready to go out, he pointed out that I should try to enjoy this time, because, as we all know, in three months our lives will be completely changed. I told him I know, and he’s right, but I can’t help feeling this way, damnit!
So I came home, happy that I had at least gone to this little meeting, but still depressed. So I picked up a book and went to bed early, thinking that tomorrow (today) would be a better day. As I peeled off my socks, I realized that I must be retaining water…check this out:
They say your feet and ankles swell during pregnancy, but sheesh! This is gross! And my socks weren’t even very tight. But, I suppose I’d rather my feet swell than my rear end.
Believe it or not, I think I was actually grumpy in my sleep. I was mad at Ronny for coming to bed late, I was mad at him for snoring, I was mad at the dog for snoring, and I was mad at the clock for continually telling me that the morning was approaching.
Then, at 6:30 when my alarm went off, I woke up in a rancid cloud of dog fart to the sound of the dog gnawing on his own behind (an incessant background noise at our house). Dreading the day at work, I snoozed until the very last possible minute, then pried myself out of bed, realizing my back was killing me and my eyes were all puffy. I still felt mad at Ronny because he had the nerve to sleep when he didn’t have to get up, rather than getting up to send me off to work with a homemade breakfast burrito, and I felt mad at the week because it wasn’t even Friday yet, and I felt mad at myself for being so dang grumpy. I just felt mad all around!
I vowed to make this emotional cloud break and dissipate, but all day today I’ve felt like punching someone in the throat. Nothing is making me feel better. I even tried a little emotional eating at lunch today – I had macaroni & cheese and asian noodles. Healthy, huh? Then, I had 5 pieces of chocolate when I got back to my desk. And I can’t stop looking at the clock. I swear, time is moving backwards today!
Does this happen to all pregnant women, or am I just one of the lucky ones?