Priorities At 4 Months

Do I have my priorities mixed up? It has been nearly a month since I updated my blog, a hobby, if you will, that I thoroughly enjoy, and something which I consider to be much needed “me time.” Well, nowadays, any kind of “me time” is an indulgence, something that not only comes to me on a very rare occasion, but also makes me feel guilty if I take advantage of even a drop of it. And when it does come, I use it to catch up on running errands, cleaning the kitchen, picking up baby stuff, or collapsing on the couch exhausted. (Please note: these are ALL things that the pregnancy books and fellow mothers say you are NOT supposed to do when the baby finally takes a nap. It’s supposed to be that when the baby naps, I nap, but, well, yeah, right.)  Well, now I’ve gone back to work, so my “me time” is virtually nonexistent. I don’t know how well I’m handling it, to be honest. I’m putting on a happy face, and doing what I need to do, but it’s a tough gig.

Yesterday I had the indulgent thrill of going to the day spa with my mom, my friend and her mom. I got an absolutely amazing hot stone massage and got to have some great girl time. It was the perfect chance for me to chill out and to sortof celebrate my birthday that came and went without hurrah. This year just has too much going on for me to take the time to celebrate my own birthday. Whatever.

Blah, blah, blah. I could go on all day about how tired I am, but what’s really important here is my amazing daughter. Today she turned 4 months old. She has changed SO much since my last post and it’s leaving me dumbfounded. I mean, I still haven’t wrapped my head around the fact that I am now a mother. A mommy. Wow. And every day that I look into those baby blues and she looks back at me with radiant beauty and an eager, innocent, heart-swelling grin, I’m so taken aback by her, by what her daddy and I created. I’m not one to believe in the miraculous, but this little stinker tempts me to have faith.

On Thursday 6/11, she discovered her feet. Now, if you lay her on her back, she tentatively finds her way in to happy baby pose, first by feeling around and grabbing her right foot, then by stumbling and tentatively finding her left, and then she grins up at me like it’s her life’s biggest achievement, which, I guess, it is, so far.

Last Tuesday, 6/1, she rolled over for the first time. It was my first day back to work (don’t even get me started on the joys of pumping in the lactation room!) and when I got home, my mother-in-law — whom Hubby flew out to help with the baby for a few days while he went fishing in Canada —  said, “hey, you never told me that Maysen was rolling over!” Um, well, I didn’t know that she was! So, that was my first taste of missing out on my baby’s firsts. But at least it was Grammy that got to see it and not the day care. Hopefully my day care will be the kind that doesn’t tell me all of the firsts that she has while in their care.

Speaking of which, Maysen is now in day care. It breaks my heart to have someone else raising my baby while I’m at work, but to be honest, I think I found a really great place to take  her. I trust that P., the woman who’s caring for Maysie, is a very compassionate, caring, responsible woman who provides a fun and clean environment for the kids she watches. But still. I’m bummed.

Maysen is starting to have quite a personality. She’s a little flirt when she’s in a good mood, and a little devil when she’s not. She doesn’t hesitate to burst into a fit at the slightest provocation or hint of discomfort. But I’m starting to be able to distinguish her cries and frowns. Some of them are so cute that they actually make me laugh when I’m supposed to be comforting her. Ah, she’ll forgive me, right?

Oh, yeah, and this week she discovered that she can reach out and grab things. It’s still very soft and clumsy, but if you put a toy in front of her she will reach for it. Or your face. It’s so sweet to feel her tiny little soft fingers exploring my face. That is, when I’ve managed to trim her fingernails. She seems to really like feeling  my mouth and grabbing at my lips.  God, I love this little girl!

I knew motherhood would be pretty cool, but I don’t think I realized, despite all of the conversations I had with other mothers pre-baby, that it would be this awesome. To quote the Police, “Every little thing she does is magic.” Cheesy, I know, but It’s true. Seriously.

She has even magically taken to waking up quietly and in a good mood. It’s no longer a sudden burst into wailing but rather a subtle cooing which slowly ramps up into crying, giving me a chance to get up, run to go pee, and make it back to snatch her out of her crib and get her to the boob. Things are starting to work. The pieces are falling into place. If only there were more hours in the day and days in the week…Ohhh…waking baby cries beckon.

I’ll post pics soon, hopefully.



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