I’m just committing to a quick draft right now. This post isn’t something that can be viewed until after Christmas.
I’m pregnant! Well, at least I took a positive pee test. We have an appointment in the morning to check everything out. The truth is that I’m actually a little concerned. I’ve been cramping and having headaches for the last week straight. I just want to go in and make sure everything’s all right.
We’re planning on telling the family on Christmas Eve, when everyone’s together. So, until then, this will have to be a draft.
Update: Where do I start? Well, obviously I should mention that yes, I am in fact pregnant. A little over 9 weeks at this point, believe it or not. And yes, I know we’re not in the clear yet, but I’m still pretty excited. I think the grandparents are the most excited of all. You should have seen their faces when we told them the news!
But this baby is really taking it out of me. I don’t remember ever being this chronically exhausted with May’s pregnancy. I’m sleeping 9 or 10 hours per night and I still have to fight to get out of bed in the morning after listening to “Mommy….mommy…maaaaaaammmeeeeeeeeeeee….” for a half hour. And I still have to fight to keep my eyes open past 10:30pm. And I still have to fight to not take a nap when May does. I just look at the clutter around my house and hope that it will clean itself up. I look at the stove and hope that it will spontaneously whip up a healthy and delicious dinner for us to enjoy and then clean up the kitchen when we’re through eating.
But, of course, none of that happens. And May still needs a TON of attention. She’s absolutely wild nowadays, never content to just sit down and play quietly, unless she’s in front of Yo Gabba Gabba.
I’m a little upset with myself for being too tired to write lately because I feel like I might forget the gazillions of adorable things that she says as she’s learning to talk. She has already stopped calling me “Honey”. She has already stopped calling Daddy “Gaggy”. She has already stopped calling SpongeBob “Puncha Bop” but instead now calls him “Tah-bub” (I don’t understand that one). Just today she started saying, “ok, fine!” as she fought off the hairbrush. I think she meant something along the lines of, “get that thing away from me, Mom, you’re driving me nuts and no one needs to see my hair perfect anyways!” It’s funny to hear what she picks up from me. I never realized just how often I give in to something and say, exasperated, “ok, fine!”
Every day I think about how I really just need to sit down for ten minutes and capture the little tidbits of the everyday wonders and frustrations that my little one brings to me. But I can’t motivate myself. Part of it is that any time I sit down to the computer/laptop/ipad/iphone mommy’s little monster insists on watching YouTube (thanks, Daddy). She throws a mean fit when I don’t let her so I end up walking away without getting anything accomplished. Then I’m too tired after she goes to bed to do anything except watch TMZ or some other crappy, mindless shit on TV. This fatigue has also brought with it a low-grade depression similar to that which I’ve always felt in my non-medicated days. Ugh. That’s even more exhausting.
Gripe, gripe. Last night I watched the movie Motherhood with Uma Thurman and Minnie Driver. I had never heard of it but I’ve been trying to stock my DVR with movies from Showtime. A pretty lousy movie, I admit, but I couldn’t help but relate to it. It’s all about a mama who’s losing it, “it” being her patience, her sanity, her patience, her breath, her time, her ability to sit down and write on her blog, her … self in the chaos of everyday motherhood. I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re looking for a good movie, but I’d recommend it if you’re feeling in the same boat and could use a little commiseration.
So, anyways, tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve. I suspect I’ll be celebrating alone, on the couch, in front of the TV, with a bottle of sparkly…club soda, while May sleeps and DH works. It’s really an exciting life I’m living nowadays.
But here’s what I wonder: Could I carve out a little time for myself every day? Even just 10 minutes? Maybe I should give NaBloPoMo a shot one more time. I have a lot to catch up on. A lot of pictures that I’d love to share. And there’s really not much on TV nowadays anyway (when will my shows be back?!?).