Wow. I can’t believe that today’s my 100th post on this here bloggy. It seems like a lot of posts, but really, I started this thing over two years ago, so if I were a “successful” blogger, I would have upwards of 700 posts. But I don’t. I feel like since it’s the 100th post I should do something 100-oriented. Like a meme. But I already did the “100 things about me” meme, and I’m pretty sure the items on that list are all still true. There’s a “100 things I like” meme, but I don’t really know if I could come up with a hundred things, unless, of course, I listed all of the Taco Bell menu items. “100 things I’ve done?” Hmm…Would anyone really care? “100 words that Maysen knows?” I could do that, but… How about I ask my dear loyal readers to list “100 things that you think are totally awesome about me that really make me a shining star that you love to be around”? I’m pretty sure I’d hear crickets.
I think I’ll skip the meme all together and just tell you what’s on my mind.
Last night I was able to catch up on some of the other blogs I read. While it’s a super-satisfying way to spend my time and it totally indulges my voyeuristic side in a way that facebook never could, it’s also yet another way for me to walk away from something feeling completely boring, inept, unaccomplished, and worst of all, lonely.
Here’s the deal. First of all, there’s a whole blogging world out there. When I say “world” I mean a social network where people who have never met feel like they’ve known each other for years, a place where people share their most intimate thoughts and ideas (and secrets) with the rest of the “blogosphere” (a word I really don’t love), a place where you can read anything about anything at any given time, a place where anyone can be a writer read: a published author, a place where someone whose dream is to write can be achieved even if they’re a sucky writer with nothing important to say and no one to read it anyways…
Oh, wait, that last one is about me. Obvy. Yeah, this is where I indulge in a little self-deprecation. One gal I met at BlogHer11, MommyShorts, has been blogging less time than me (at least that I know of) yet she has a beautiful, amazing, wildly successful blog that I absolutely adore. She’s got thousands of readers who constantly comment and engage in conversation with her. Her daughter is adorable and hilarious, and the way she (MommyShorts, not her baby) writes is so funny and witty and clever. I don’t know if she has a “real” job or not, but if so, it’s got to be in the writing field. She HAS to get paid (more than a blogger normally would) for her talent. There are several other blogs that I read, but hers is the one I find most inspiring and in line with mine as far as what the blog is actually about.
Why can’t my blog be a little more successful, like hers?
Here are a few reasons why:
1. I don’t really have all that much to say that anyone would find interesting.
2. Only a small handful of people read my blog. And I don’t know that I really want anyone I know to read this. I want hundreds of complete strangers to read it so I can be more honest. But it’s too late for that.
3. I don’t have the
time to spend writing motivation and time-management skills that she does.
4. I’m pretty lazy and I watch too much TV at night when I could be writing. But I’m so tiiiiiiirrrreeddd.
5. Although I think of all kinds of funny or interested things to write about in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep, I hardly think about blogging, let alone remember my ideas, during my waking hours. Yes, I know I could keep a little notebook next to bed, but I’m even too lazy to do that.
6. During the day when I actually have energy, May won’t let me use the computer. Except when she’s napping and I usually putz around the house doing half-assed chores and otherwise distracting myself with anything that doesn’t require motivation. Like right now…oh, wait! I’m blogging now!
7. I don’t know an easy way to put videos and pictures on my blog without getting all tangled up in wires. Ok, honestly, it’s just because I take WAY too many photos to dig through. (I did figure out how to upload my videos to YouTube, though, so at least that’s a little improvement. Plus, I can’t get any good pictures because a.) I don’t really know how to use my camera very well and b.) Maysen is constantly walking away from me, refusing to look at the camera.
8. I do everything fairly half-assed. I kindof doubt that MommyShorts clicks ‘publish’ immediately after typing out a first draft of a blog post. She probably takes the time to go through and craft her writing, come up with witty little phrases, and find a way to wrap up her posts concisely and “trim the fat” so that she makes her point quickly rather than blabbing on and on (like I do). If she does just post after her first draft, I just have to call her a genius and move on with my life, feeling even more depressed about my writing. I, on the other hand, spit out my stream of consciousness as it comes to me, go back briefly to make sure I don’t have any (glaringly obvious) grammatical or spelling mistakes, and hit ‘publish’ without even thinking about it. This is also how I got through college. Without really thinking. But I digress.
9. And the biggest reason I’m not a successful blogger is this: Although anyone who is trying to make me feel better would totally disagree with me and contradict me to the point that I feel really embarrassed, I’m really not a very good writer. It’s funny; people tell me I’m a good writer all the time, but I don’t think they’ve ever actually read my writing. I think they just know that that’s what I wish I could be, so they try to make me feel good about myself (most likely because they can’t think of anything else I’m good at). Hubby tells the world what a wildly awesome writer I am (in front of me, no less, which is SO humiliating, especially when they ask what I’ve written), but just ask him if he’s ever read even one thing that I’ve written. Seriously.
So that’s it. Those are my excuses. You could use those same excuses to explain why I’ve never quite gotten around to writing that book that I’ve been planning on writing. Oh, and they could probably even explain why I’ve never quite found a career. Oh, wow! I just realized that I AM good at something…making excuses!
But, on the other hand, I think this blog is at least somewhat successful, depending on how you define success. I enjoy writing it. I get to share a lot of my thoughts (although not as many as I would if I knew that ONLY complete strangers read it). I get to share pictures of my darling baby girl. And I have an ongoing chronicle of the amazing experience of motherhood. (Let’s hope this here internet doesn’t crash. Oh WordPress, oh Internet, pleeeease don’t crash on me some day.) And best of all, this blog is something that I really, really enjoy. It’s my thing. It’s what I do for fun. Something that only I can do for myself, something that I can call my own, something that gives me something to make me feel like I have a purpose (besides my family, of course). It’s a way for me to get all of the thoughts out of my head so I don’t go completely batshit, for lack of a better word.
So, if there’s anyone out there, thanks for reading my (interesting or not) blathering.
Here’s to the next 100 posts!