Every day I’m completely amazed by the things that come out of May’s mouth. Watching her and listening to her and conversing with her as she learns to speak is by far one of the most amazing motherhood experiences there is. I’ve mentioned a few of the things that she says along the way, but I was thinking last night (while I couldn’t sleep, of course) that I could probably create a dictionary of all of the things she says. She and I can be having a complete conversation, entirely understanding one another, and her daddy will look at us confused, with his head cocked like a labrador hearing a new sound.
Here are a few of the things she has said recently and their respective definitions.
“Cheekie daddy boo-boo eye bau sad” = “I’m feeling sad because Daddy hit my Chicka puppet with his golf club and the eyeball broke off, leaving my dear puppet completely debilitated.”
“Mommy am-mow poopoopeepee” = “Mommy took me to the Humane Society today to look at the animals. Poo-poo, pee-pee.”
“Chockie Baack” = “Mommy, may I have some chocolate milk, please?”
“Otay Fiiiine” = “No, I adamantly refuse to do what you’re asking.”
“La la un mone time baa baa black seep la la bitty bitty toe baa baa la la nite now” = “Let’s listen to a song one more time right now. I’d like to hear Baa Baa Black Sheep again, even though you’ve already sung it 27 times and then Itsy Bitsy Spider, the version where you use my toes instead of your fingers to do the actions. I like that one. Oh, and by the way, I know you’re making up the words to Baa Baa Black Sheep. Why don’t you just go the extra mile and look up some nursery rhymes online?”
“Au beauer” = “All better”
“Meenie poopoopeepee nite now” = “Mom, it’s diaper duty time again.”
“Poofa toowee nite now” = “Please put on Yo Gabba Gabba now.”
“Sow ohwa new one coming” = “My show is over. Put in a new DVD right now, or I’ll put in the Wiggles or Elmo’s Potty Time myself. You really don’t want that to happen now, do you?”
“Puppy boo-boo eye bau weeawy sad coco boo-boo eye bau puppy mommy fiss nite now.” = “Mommy, do you remember like two months ago when Uncle JT’s dog chewed off my favorite stuffed animal’s eyeball leaving a soggy ripped-open face with its stuffing coming out? Well, I know you tried to fix it, and I thank you for your efforts, but, really, this is not a job well done and I am really, really sad and traumatized because of the entire situation. You really need to learn the fine art of stuffed animal repair right now.”
“Pah-tohn lellow nummy Meenie I doing!” = “Wow! This yellow buttery flavored stuff you put on my popcorn is delicious! Thank you so much! I hope you don’t mind if I dump the popcorn out all over the house now. You can just keep picking it up and putting it in the bowl for me to do again, then finally give up and swear to sweep it up later, right?”
“Mommy cuh-wo pih-wo blankie” = “Mommy, let’s cuddle! I’ll get the pillow and blanket. Then, you can lie down on the kitchen floor, using a yoga block for a pillow. I’ll lay a dirty dish towel over your hips and pat you on the shoulder then walk away so I can color on my table (not my coloring book. That’s ridiculous.) Don’t even think about getting up, because I’ll lose my shit and we’ll have to start over. Get it? Got it. Good.”
I could go on and on…maybe even to a hundred to create a new meme. But that’s it for now. Gotta go sweep up little popcorn piles.