Farewell to a Midwife, Farewell to a Friend

We just had our last visit with our midwife and I can’t believe how emotional I actually feel. I figured I’d be a little sad or something, but I legitimately feel like I just said goodbye to a good friend. A good friend who delivered my second child.

I know it was a professional relationship; we hired Diana to provide a service for us. But a homebirth midwife becomes so much more than just that.  At least from my point of view, she becomes a friend. She becomes a stable relationship. That is, until the relationship ends six weeks after the baby is born.

We all fell in love with Diana. Even Maysen asks when she’s coming back, and she pretends to be “Doctor Maysen Diana the Midwife.”

There are so many differences between going to the OB and delivering your baby at the hospital and then having a home birth with your own licensed midwife. The OB is never more than someone you go and spend a few minutes with every few weeks. You barely even notice when they (or a colleague in their practice) come in for the birth. With Maysen, our own doctor didn’t attend the birth, and the OB who did came and went in just a few minutes.

With Diana, our appointments were never less than an hour, and she was with me for the entire birth, (regardless of how quickly it happened), and a few hours afterwards. And then the next day, and a few days after that, and so on.  She provided a personal service…a personal experience. She became a friend. We established a comeraderie that you just don’t establish with a regular doctor. With an OB office, you feel like a number. With Diana, I felt like the most important person in the world whose every question about every little detail was important and interesting. I mean, can you take a picture of your discharge to text to your OB on her personal cell phone so she can check out its color and consistency and actually have her tell you that she wants to see the stuff? I seriously doubt it.

It’s easy to say goodbye to your OB. You just say, “See you in six months for my pap,” or something, and you don’t really care if you ever see that person again. Now, I don’t know if I’ll ever see Diana again, and I was practically in tears after I closed the door behind her. I’m actually going to miss her. I’m going to wish I could call her up to ask random questions, and I’m going to wish she could watch Avery and Maysen grow. In a nutshell, I feel like Diana became part of our family, and I almost feel shocked now that I realize that’s not how it really is. I feel shocked and sad that she most likely won’t come knocking on our door for another visit. That she won’t measure my belly or listen to my baby’s heart. That she won’t humor Maysen by playing along with her conversation.

Is this a normal way to feel after everything is said and done? It just feels like there’s closure on something I didn’t really want to close. I loved having her visits, and having them at my house made them feel so intimate. I would love for her to come over, share a bottle of wine and talk about life. But that’s probably not going to happen. To her, I wasn’t a friend. To her I was a client. And to realize that feels weird, and a little pathetic.

I told her I was sad that this was our last meeting and she told me that she still gets together with some of her clients occasionally for coffee or whatnot. But I wonder if she just said that to make me feel better. Time will tell. My hope is that our paths cross again sometime very soon. My hope is that Diana knows just how much we love her, and just how grateful we are for her. She is a beautiful midwife, and anyone who has the fortune to be her client should consider herself very, very lucky.

Our family portrait with Diana at our 6-week visit. 

 

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One thought on “Farewell to a Midwife, Farewell to a Friend

  1. Did my reply just come to you or did it get deleted? I notice that Diana is wearing the special necklace you gave her. She was awesome! Maybe you’ll have occasion to use her again sometime……or, just serve her coffee!

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