Hello, Stranger

When I was pregnant with Maysen, I managed to blog nearly every day, even when there was nothing to write about. And then when I was pregnant with Avery, I still wrote a little bit, but certainly not much. Now, I’m actually 31 weeks pregnant with our third baby girl and this is the first time I’ve sat down to write. Lame.

It feels like there’s just so much to say. So much has happened and is happening in our life, but where can I start? I guess I just start where I am…here.

We are planning on having this baby at home. Home birth is a no-brainer to me now, having experienced having a baby both at home and in the hospital. We’ve hired a lovely midwife, Sharon. She’s very sweet and experienced. I would have loved to have hired Diana again, but considering how quickly Avery came into this world I just can’t feel totally sure that Diana would make it to us in time. She will be our assistant, though. And this time I am planning on having a doula present. Not that I necessarily need a doula, but I would like to know what it’s like. Ronny thinks it’s ridiculous, and that I’m just going to be critiquing her every move. As much as I know he’s a wonderful “birthing coach,” he’s really not even aware of all of the things that a doula can do. I’d love to have someone try some of these techniques on me.

Anyways, this pregnancy has been much more difficult than the first two. Obviously, it’s harder because I’m also taking care of a 4 1/2 year old and a two year old all day long. Part of why I was able to blog so much the first time around was because I had a lot of free time, and even when I was at work I didn’t have much to do. Now I hardly have any time to myself, and when I do, I manage to fritter it away doing something mindless. I’m also getting older. I can’t even believe that I’m 37! My hair is turning grey, my boobs are sagging, I’m starting to get wrinkles. I’m so tired all…the…time. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get; I’m never 100% rested. I never feel good. I remember during my first pregnancy feeling really good the whole time. Now, even though I go to the gym often and (try to) eat well, I still feel like crap all the time. I’ll admit, though, baby number 1 got a lot of salad bars, baby number 3 is getting a lot of chocolate.

I’ve been feeling a lot more depressed this time around, too. I think that has a LOT to do with my lack of free time. It’s how I felt before I got pregnant, only now I can’t self-medicate with wine.

I think this baby is going to be big. She moves around a lot and just feels huge to me, and I still have 2 months to go. I’m already at my max weight that I hit with Maysen’s pregnancy (thanks, chocolate). Maybe that has something to with why I’m so tired all the time. The one thing that has been really cool, though, is that I’m very aware of the baby’s position at almost any given time. I don’t know if it’s because I’m more in tune with myself, or because this is my third time around, or what, but I can pretty much always tell where she is. Unless I’m totally wrong, of course!

I haven’t had any complications, other than heartburn, tons and tons of Braxton Hicks contractions and bad S.I. joint pain, and I’m really feeling confident that we’ll have a beautiful (and hopefully not too quick) birth. I’m thinking that maybe this time around I’ll actually be able to get in the birth tub. I’m hoping to have a water birth…it’s an experience that I really, really want to have.

The one thing that sucks about everything, though, is that Ronny and I really haven’t been able to focus on this pregnancy as much as I would like. It’s almost like it’s not even happening. We’re once again in a situation where he has to be job-hunting, and we’re going to have to move out of our house when the baby is two months old. It’s just adding lots of stress to our life, and making it so Ronny’s entirely focused on the job/housing situation. And that’s after we’ve managed to be exhausted by Maysen and Avery. There’s just no room in the day, or our scattered brains, to focus on what we really should be focusing on…the fact that we’re about to have another baby.

The best part, though, is watching how excited Maysen and Avery are for this baby. Every day, over and over, Maysen asks to feel the baby move, and gets so excited whenever she feels a little kick. She hugs my belly and sings songs to the baby. She even tells her knock knock jokes. And little Avery loves poking my belly and reminding me that there’s a baby in there, and gives her big hugs and kisses. I know Maysen gets it, but I’m not sure that Avery really understands what’s going on. I’m still trying to decide if it’s a good or bad idea for the girls to be around at the birth. I’d love for them to be, but I don’t want to freak them out. With as many people as will be here, it’ll probably be a little crowded even without them, but it’s a once in a lifetime experience. I think Maysen might be a little to worried about me being in pain to be able to handle it as well as I’d like. We’ll see.

So I guess that’s enough for now. I just wanted to take a few minutes to touch base here. Hopefully it won’t be so long before the next time I write. And hopefully I’ll have some photos next time, too.

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